Yeah, that’s right – a bloody colouring book. I’ve been going on about it enough. Well, now it’s here. And even YOU can buy it!
It is here. I’ve got a load at home. Well, I’ve got some. Not quite enough. I’ll explain later.
What’s all this, then?
It’s a book. Well, it’s a colouring book. Yeah, they’re for kids. But apparently they’re also for adults now. I dunno. This one’s a colouring-in book featuring things in Reading from your boy Shit Things in Reading where you colour in pictures of things in Reading. It really is that simple. And, before you start, all the profits go to charity and – no – it doesn’t come with free pens or pencils.
I copy and pasted that last paragraph. It’s printed on the back of the book. The eagle-eyed amongst you might spot it in a minute.
Hang on… ‘charity’? What, really?!
That’s right, buster. All the profits go to a local charity. And not one fraudulently set up by me very recently, either. An actual real one. They’re called Younger People with Dementia and they’re a Berkshire mob who help, you guessed it, younger people with dementia. They do loads of great stuff, have a look on their website if you like, it’s your life.
Because ALL of the cash goes to this lot, you have to buy one or more copies of this bloody book. In fact, if you don’t buy one (or more) and help support this worthy local cause, you should be ashamed of yourself. Deeply, deeply ashamed of yourself.
Shame on you. SHAME ON YOU.
If you do buy one (or more), well, cheers. You’re alright, you. I don’t care what everyone else says about you. You’re alright.
Let’s have a look at it, then!
No. Sod off. There are only 39 pages, let’s not ruin the surprise, eh? Suffice to say that the book is stuffed full of local favourites that Reading types will know and ‘fans’ of Shit Things in Reading will recognise from years and years of exhausting and repetitive #content.
Here’s a little preview to whet (yes, that is how you spell it…) your appetite:
Alright, FINE. I’ll bloody well buy one (or more)
Cushty. You know it makes sense, Rod. There are a couple of ways of getting your mitts on a book (or books):
Buy ’em from me direct. Drop me a message on any of the socials, tell me how many you want and where to send them and I’ll give you my PayPal. You bang me a tenner (£8 + £2 P&P) per copy and I post it/them. Downside – you have to talk to me. Also, there WILL be a bit of a delay in me sending them because I am a VERY busy and important man. And also I didn’t get enough printed up to handle the modest, but still quite unexpected demand. So you might have to wait a week. Upside – I might write you a special unique message inside. OOOOOOOH.
Go to the shops like people did in the olden days. Nip into But Is It Art? in town or the Caversham Emporium and pick up a copy from them. They’ll be fairly limited supplies, but by Friday, the Emporium will be stocked up and BIIA? should have a box by the end of the weekend. They’re a tenner a pop from them, cash only. Why a tenner? There’s a 20% mind your own business tax, that’s why.
Failing that, you can buy it from Bezos. It’s £7.99 + P&P (bugger all postage if you’ve got Amazon Prime). Feel free to do this is you don’t want to talk to me (understandable) or give me your address (even more understandable). You’ll get it a Helluva lot quicker than waiting for me to send it to you, but Amazon do take a sizeable cut of the money, so you’re effectively halving your donation. Up to you, mate. It really is your life.
Is that it?
Nearly. Once you’ve bought the thing, feel free to shout about it on social media, tag us into a post or photo and leave us a FIVE STAR review on the Amazons. Even if you didn’t buy it that way. Apparently that’s allowed, I checked and everything.
Like the illustrations? Well, you should. They’re by local penswoman genius Rowan Ash. Buy her other books, yeah?
PLEASE NOTE – There really are NO FREE PENS OR PENCILS and there are definitely NO REFUNDS.
PPS Listen to the bloody Shit Things podcast FFS. Mange tout.